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Joan Rivers Roast Includes Age, Sex and Donald Trump

Comedian and red carpet critic Joan Rivers was roasted over the weekend in a special for Comedy Central.

The bleep-filled special won't air until August 9, but you can read some of the jokes from the event below -- which even included Donald Trump getting in on the raunchiness with a videotaped message.

Brad Garrett: "Your face has been lifted more times than Bristol Palin's prom dress... Joan is so old, she's blanked more old Jews than Bernie Madoff."

Greg Giraldo: "You used to look your age, but now you don't even look like your species."

Jeffrey Ross: "If you search for her, you can find her on Craigs and Schindler's List."

Daughter, Melissa Rivers: "I remember so clearly that when I asked her what's a blowjob that she said without hesitation, '50 bucks, two dinners and a watch.'"

Donald Trump: "I promise you that no expense will be spared in your reconstruction, 'The Joan Rivers Facial and Body Renovation'. We'll tent you, fumigate you and, if necessary, send in a Hazmat team to remove all the hazardous material in that toxic pool you call a vagina."

Tom Arnold: "Joan can be a bit of a perfectionist, when she read her husband's suicide note, she sent it back for a rewrite... say what you want about her, but she's an icon and a real diva, which by the way is what they call a c--t when she's still sitting in the room."

July 28, 2009 |

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